The F-word, revisited

Here's the original.

And here's a quote therefrom:

" . . . someone always says, “Hey, wait a minute! You’re not a feminist!” and I ask them why not and they say “You don’t hate men” or “You haven’t burned your bra” or “you’re not pro-abortion”. No, I do not hate men because I married a very nice one who loves me for who I am and who does not look at me as an extension of who he is. No, I do not burn bras because I hate the smell of burning nylon and because, frankly, I need the support. No, I am not pro-abortion because I don’t believe in throwing away life wantonly. It’s not something that G-d would do and women are made in the image of G-d.

So how am I a feminist? Because I believe in the power of women to do almost anything. I believe that women have the ability to be great, with or without the aid of a man. I believe that women are the closest thing that the human race has to an embodiment of the qualities of G-d and that women are a living, breathing proof that the Almighty loves us fiercely and without reservation.

So I call myself a feminist, but what I really mean is that I’m a Jewish woman and I can’t call myself that because it’s not what I was taught a Jewish woman is supposed to be."

Here are my comments to this post by Chana on not being a feminist:

Shira Salamone said...

Chana, for better or for worse, my brain simply doesn't work the same way yours does. You're a student by nature, a lover of the intellectual give-and-take of Talmud in an era in [which] Talmud study is open to women. Perhaps, if that were my own personal approach to Judaism, the traditional role for women would be as fulfilling to me as it obviously is to you. It so happens, though, that I'm an “experiential Jew" by nature. Study is just not what draws me to Judaism--ritual is. And ritual opportunities for women are somewhat more limited in traditional circles. That's okay for many women, but not for all. So I hope that we can simply agree respectfully to disagree: I won't insist that every women become a feminist, and I hope that you won't insist that every woman become a traditionalist.
September 24, 2007 11:33 PM

Shira Salamone said...

On the other hand, you said, "I am very glad that women have the right to vote, are theoretically paid equal salaries to those of men and enjoy the advantages that America has to offer us." So perhaps the title of this post is not entirely accurate: You're not a feminist in terms of religious practice, but you're a feminist with regard to secular law. Methinks there are many others in the Jewish community who share that perspective.
September 25, 2007 10:52 AM

But the best response I can think of to this F-word--feminist--is this one (also a response to Chana's post):

Anonymous said...
"but you're a feminist with regard to secular law."Shira, if this is how you define feminism, id say 99% of this country is feminist.
September 26, 2007 1:34 AM

For me, the most striking thing about the use and/or abuse of the word "feminist" is that both sides get very defensive about it. Feminists get up in arms because we think that traditionalists are benefiting from the advances in women's legal rights that resulted, in large measure, from the battles fought and won by feminists, while, at the same time, refusing to give credit where it's due ("if this is how you define feminism, id say 99% of this country is feminist") by treating the term "feminist" almost as if it were a curse word. Traditionalists feel under siege, apparently thinking that they might have to denounce marriage (“You don’t hate men”), renounce their femininity (“You haven’t burned your bra”), or give up their right to be stay-at-home mothers (“you’re not pro-abortion”) if they called themselves feminists.

So feminists and traditionalists end up, instead of working together, trading potshots.

Here's a copy of a comment from someone else's blog (originally quoted in this post):
"I heard of such a women's minyan in _____ when my sister was living there. My question is [1] why would you want to? and [b] don't you have anything better to do? There are plenty of things that are broken and need fixing. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

And here's a quote from Chana's "I'm not a feminist" post:

"A Rabbi of mine (whom I respect) once referred to women's minyanim as reminding him of little children playing house. It's not real, but they are children playing pretend and it makes them happy! So we will humor them. You are going to tell me that that was condescending. Yes, I suppose it was. It doesn't make it less true..."

No doubt there are some not-so-wonderful examples of anti-traditionalist sniping by feminists, as well. This certainly goes both ways. I'm sorry to say that I've engaged in some of this disrespectful talk myself.

I’ve just finished reading Deborah Siegel’s book “Sisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild," reviewed by Rebecca Honig Friedman here on the Jewess blog. Siegel speaks of some of the conflicts between “second-generation” feminists (of which I’m one) and “third-generation” feminists, not to mention those who prefer the description, “I’m not a feminist, but . . .” One of the issues seems to be the delicate balancing act that feminists must perform between trying to change those aspects of social traditions and/or laws that victimize women, on the one hand, and celebrating the strength and (in many cases, still potential) power of women, on the other. Feminists try to walk a fine line between celebrating female sexuality and our freedom to work in the home or be employed, on the one hand, and being victimized by discrimination in hiring and pay scales (however illegal), the scandalous dearth of subsidized child-care in the United States, and some employers’ reluctance to provide such benefits as birth control prescription coverage, etc., on the other hand.

I am reminded of an American Association of Retired Persons bulletin article claiming that women are vastly more likely to end our lives in poverty than men are:

"Q: What about returning to work after raising children? How did that turn out for the women you interviewed for your book [The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?, by Leslie Bennetts]?

A: Women were catastrophically unprepared for the difficulty of reentering the labor force. They were blindsided by the barriers—ageism, sexism and overt discrimination against mothers and also a strong prejudice against returning workers. Those four factors add up to a very high barrier. Many never find full-time jobs with benefits—which means health insurance—at a level commensurate with their abilities, let alone their expectations."

Been there, done that. When I earned a certificate in word processing in 1997, at the apparently ancient age of 48—evidently, I was quite over the hill, in job-hunting terms—it never occurred to me that I would still be temping four years later. In 2001, I went nine months without a single day’s employment—and that was before the terrorist attacks of September 11! Had an old friend of mine not recommended me for a temp job with my current employer, it’s quite possible that I would have remained unemployed for the rest of my life. Sure, I could have tried earning another degree or getting trained in yet another field, but I doubt that any amount of additional education and/or training would have made any difference. Who wants to hire a fifty-something female?

So, as far as I’m concerned, we women are all in this together, whether or not we choose to call ourselves feminists. Indeed, "There are plenty of things that are broken and need fixing. " I don't think that we are well served by fighting with one another, be it over our legal rights or over differing religious perspectives. I've made serious efforts, over the past few years, to understand the perspective of religious traditionalists concerning the different roles of women and men. (Here's an example.) I would hope that the same can be said of religious traditionalists.

Can we work out a truce?

Friday, November 2, 2007 update: West Bank Mama's has responded with a post of her own.

Thursday, November 8, 2008 update: Rebecca Honig Friedman, via this post on the Jewess blog, directs us to her response on the Lilith blog.